Sepsis is something I knew nothing about – like so many others.
My first encounter with Sepsis occurred when my daughter, Lola, was born. My wifes pregnancy with Lola was the most “normal” of all our 3 kids. However, when she was born she quickly stopped breathing. She was grey, silent and lifeless. I remember the midwifes hitting a button and what seemed like 100 staff rushing into the room. After a minute that felt like a lifetime, she was resuscitated. It was obvious she was still very unwell. We quickly learned that she had pneumonia, meningitis and developed Sepsis. She spent some time in the hospital and was transported to Westmead Childrens to have a central line put in for antibiotics for a couple of weeks, eventually she got to head home and be with my wife, myself and her loving siblings. It was the most frightening, stressful and devasting time I had ever experienced.
I wish my experience with Sepsis ended here…
On the 20th of August last year we had a birthday party for my daughter, Poppy. Towards the end she whinged she wanted to go home, we stuck around for a bit and then she vomited. I now think she had eaten too much garbage, but it was the start of one section of what I now think of as “the perfect storm”. The next day my wife and I went out with the kids to see my wifes family, Lola vomited in the car, which is pretty standard as she gets carsick all the time. She only vomited once, but we thought maybe there was a bug going around – the continuation of the perfect storm.
On the 22nd of August my dad came around to my house with my mum and had a firepit with my family, completely unplanned we messaged and organised it. I didn’t know this would be the last time I would see him. As my parents went to leave, I offered to load up dads drop saw in his car as I had finished borrowing it. Dad said maybe next time and that he felt a bit tired and out of sorts, I should have known he was unwell from this alone, he had been bringing up that I still had it for weeks. Later that night he became unwell, we thought he just had a bug and expected he would be okay in a day or 2.
On the 24th I woke up and mum had messaged saying dad had gone to the hospital in an ambulance, all his vitals were okay, but they thought they’d take him just to get checked out. Once there, they noticed his BP was low and then began treating him with broad spectrum anti-biotics. He was later diagnosed with Sepsis. In the early afternoon he was transported by helicopter to a bigger hospital, again we were told it was a precaution and it was just quicker to go by the helicopter, and it wasn’t due to an emergency. Mum called in to my house on her drive down there to pick up a bag, I was off work sick and kept my distance but got told about a few of the things going on – maybe I was unwell and couldn’t comprehend it but I didn’t know how serious it was. Dad was met by his friend who was a nurse at the hospital, he spent time with dad until mum got there. Mum was told to go home that night, as dad was expected to be there for a while getting anti-biotics and treatment for his kidneys and she would need her rest. She called later in the night to check in and tell dad she loves him, there was no warning of what was going to happen.
At 2:36am on the 25th of August my hero, my dad, passed away. I got the phone call from my mum and sister at a bit past 3am, waking up my wife and son to my cries and yelling of no. I had to tell my son that his hero had died before driving over to tell my brother. We headed down to the hospital to say our farewells to dad – too late to really get to tell him we love him endlessly. I made promises to dad that my kids will never forget Pa, that I would do my best to take care of mum and my siblings and to live my life in a way that would make him proud.
After getting home it was obvious I was increasingly unwell, so my wife called the GP, after mentioning my symptoms my wife mentioned dad, and alarm bells went off. I was told to go to hospital straight away. A nurse called back 5 minutes later to make sure I was on my way. I ended up being admitted with periorbital cellulitis causing my forehead and eyelids to swell and generally feel extremely unwell and suspected menigitis. Earlier on the 24th of August I had an overwhelming heatwave take over me, causing what I can only describe as a seizure type response, uncontrollably shaking my arms and going rigid. I almost got my wife to call an ambulance, and she was asking if I needed to go or if she should drive me, but I resisted – I am now so glad I didn’t go, as I got to at least spend some time with my mum and siblings with dad. I spent my first days of grieving in a hospital where my dad had been less than 24 hours before, away from my family.
I still have an uncontrollable guilt that I wasn’t able to help dad and that I got to leave hospital, while he didn’t. I couldn’t stop the “perfect storm”. The last thing my dad did for me could have been that he saved my life, I wish I could thank him, I wish I could have done the same for him. Should I have been asking, “could it be sepsis?”.
I miss my dad every single day. If the words “could it be sepsis?” were used earlier, would this all be different?
To honor my dad, and to raise awareness about this terrible infection my family and I are raising money and have set up a facebook page, Andrews Cause – Sepsis Awareness. We have held a barefoot bowls day, a trivia night and I will be running a 12 hour run challenge.
Andrews Cause – Sepsis Awareness
I think about my dad every single day and how Sepsis has robbed me of an amazing dad and my kids of an amazing Pa.
I love you, dad.
John with his children, father Andrew and daughter who suffered sepsis, Lola.